12/6/2002 – Marie After a Big Fight

TitePumpkin: hey
TitePumpkin: I can't stop thinking about this conversation..it's the first time since I've been there that I cry. . .
TitePumpkin: now I'm playing the victim
TitePumpkin: sorry
TitePumpkin: and u probably don't want to talk. . .so bye
t b e a r inside: hi
t b e a r inside: was on the phone with austin
t b e a r inside: and writing u an email
t b e a r inside: about how empty i feel and alone and i dunno
t b e a r inside: you're crying?
TitePumpkin: no not now..during the conversation. . .but I had to contain myself
t b e a r inside: oh
t b e a r inside: that was me who just called
TitePumpkin: oh
TitePumpkin: why did u hang up
t b e a r inside: i'll finish that email and send it i guess
t b e a r inside: cause u messaged me
t b e a r inside: i thought u had left cause u said bye
t b e a r inside: so i was gonna get rosa if she was still up to get you
t b e a r inside: and alejandro's here so i can't really talk freely
TitePumpkin: why is he reading ?
t b e a r inside: eating
TitePumpkin: i meant is he reading the conversation?
t b e a r inside: no
t b e a r inside: u know how far apart are things are
TitePumpkin: ok
t b e a r inside: what do you want to talk about
TitePumpkin: nothing in particular
TitePumpkin: I just feel really angry and disappointed right now and I don't know how I should react to what I've learned about alejandro &cie
t b e a r inside: cie?
TitePumpkin: co
t b e a r inside: oh
TitePumpkin: in french
TitePumpkin: it's like alejandro and the othersw
t b e a r inside: yeah
TitePumpkin: brb
TitePumpkin: well actually i'm not
t b e a r inside: i dunno, i think he likes you you know, you as a friend, but
t b e a r inside: i dunno i guess he was trying to get me to stop thinking of you or something
TitePumpkin: i would have never said anything wrong about him and i would have defended him if someone was saying crap mabout him
t b e a r inside: so talk to him about it
TitePumpkin: I don't kniow if I should I mean I don't have to justify myself. . .and he'a not worth it
t b e a r inside: he could use a good yelling at from someone
TitePumpkin: just read ur e-mail. . .
TitePumpkin: what?
t b e a r inside: what?
TitePumpkin: I juts read ur e-mail. . .then I was asking u about the line before
t b e a r inside: oh
t b e a r inside: just read it
t b e a r inside: he's become so lawless
TitePumpkin: what does lawless mean?
t b e a r inside: like he has now boundaries for his idiocy and weak mind
TitePumpkin: well it means what it means I guess. . ..oh yeah
t b e a r inside: he's a bigtime follower thats why i think he said those things probably ramy rubbing off on him
TitePumpkin: yeah he's a follower
t b e a r inside: weed, mushrooms, extacy,
t b e a r inside: whats next
TitePumpkin: heroin??
t b e a r inside: thats a little crazy
TitePumpkin: no
t b e a r inside: but if i had a syringe and left it on the table i woldn't be surprised if he tried it
TitePumpkin: never mind
TitePumpkin: yeah
t b e a r inside: i'm sick of talking shit about everyone marie
TitePumpkin: I'm so disappointed
TitePumpkin: ok
t b e a r inside: what you doing tomorrow?
TitePumpkin: clASS
t b e a r inside: projects are done though?
TitePumpkin: nope
TitePumpkin: paper
t b e a r inside: German?
TitePumpkin: 15 pages
t b e a r inside: oh yeah
t b e a r inside: taht
t b e a r inside: due tomorrow?
TitePumpkin: yeah..THAT!!!!
TitePumpkin: no monday
t b e a r inside: oh
t b e a r inside: well fifteen pages is just 7 and a half pages in my book
TitePumpkin: lol..it's still a LOT!!!
t b e a r inside: but its still alot
t b e a r inside: hehe
TitePumpkin: I'm glad there is a break
t b e a r inside: how's the research coming? or isn't it?
TitePumpkin: I mean that it's christmas
t b e a r inside: its no break its the weekend
t b e a r inside: oh
TitePumpkin: WE need it
t b e a r inside: yeah
t b e a r inside: did u get that other email?
TitePumpkin: I'm sick of Richmond
t b e a r inside: richmond.edu maybe
TitePumpkin: with ur tel numbers?
t b e a r inside: yeah
t b e a r inside: were yours all right?
TitePumpkin: how did u get my adress and stuff?
t b e a r inside: phone book
TitePumpkin: where?
t b e a r inside: phone book
TitePumpkin: I can read thanks
t b e a r inside: well u said where?
TitePumpkin: but which phone book?
t b e a r inside: richmond phone book
t b e a r inside: UR student phone book
TitePumpkin: Oh..why do they give ur adress? I mean I don't want the people to get my adress
t b e a r inside: what people?
t b e a r inside: who is going to think to look there
TitePumpkin: people in general. . .well everybody has the phone book I guess. . .
t b e a r inside: i only did cause i remembered that someone had told me to keep the freshman one cause of the international addresses
t b e a r inside: nobody uses the phone book though
t b e a r inside: everyone uses the richmond search thing
TitePumpkin: anyway
TitePumpkin: so u think u'll write to me or what?
t b e a r inside: anyway did u listen to any of those songs
TitePumpkin: yu[
t b e a r inside: yeah i'll send u a postcard
TitePumpkin: a postcard?
t b e a r inside: haha
t b e a r inside: i want to
t b e a r inside: but right now i've got some depressing thoughts from tonight and i'm just feeling kind of empty
TitePumpkin: I wish we never had this conversation
t b e a r inside: yeah i'm getting that feeling too
TitePumpkin: and u know what? I diiidn't save it. . .=-O
t b e a r inside: i did
TitePumpkin: oh
TitePumpkin: brb
t b e a r inside: well for me it was good we had this conversation better before break then after, now i maybe i'll sleep at night without thinking of you and i won't wake up anymore thinking of you..all i really hope is that it doesn't happen more now that i know nothing's ever going to happen
t b e a r inside: there was always some hope. . ..this reminds me a lot of the day after kelly
t b e a r inside: i think you said it could never happen then too
t b e a r inside: but this time i don't know if i even want to just hook up with you anymore, as i thought might happen
t b e a r inside: wow. . ..i should revisit my charlie story. . .i could right some really depressing stuff in this frame of mind
t b e a r inside: write
t b e a r inside: well now you're going to have to quit smoking if you're not going to come here anymore
TitePumpkin: well I didn't smoke this week. . .
t b e a r inside: are u planning something?
t b e a r inside: can u smoke at home?
TitePumpkin: what u said about not wanting to hook up with me anymore etc. . .that hurts a little. . .but I'm not trying to say anything
TitePumpkin: no
t b e a r inside: i'd like it to happen, its fun, but i'm really hurting right now
TitePumpkin: u want what to happen?
t b e a r inside: i'd think twice about doing it now
TitePumpkin: what?
t b e a r inside: hooking up
TitePumpkin: how?
t b e a r inside: making out
TitePumpkin: yeah but did u just think about it or did u think to do it today?
t b e a r inside: to do what?
TitePumpkin: to hook up!
t b e a r inside: i'm thinking that if i was ever with you at a party and we were both drunk i hope i 'd think twice about hooking up with you
t b e a r inside: did i think to do it today?
t b e a r inside: how?
TitePumpkin: ok I just didn't get what u said
TitePumpkin: but now i got it
TitePumpkin: I'd never hook up with u again. . .I'm not stupid to do it again
t b e a r inside: so what were u saying?
TitePumpkin: didn't say anything
t b e a r inside: what hurts?
TitePumpkin: what u said
t b e a r inside: i don't understand
TitePumpkin: t b e a r inside: but this time i don't know if i even want to just hook up with you anymore, as i thought might happen
TitePumpkin: but forget about nit
t b e a r inside: oh
t b e a r inside: i lost something tonight
t b e a r inside: but i don't know what it is
TitePumpkin: me too
t b e a r inside: can u tell me
TitePumpkin: i don't know if i can. . ..I'm just feel like something's gone and it's changed all illusions of I don't know
t b e a r inside: yeah
TitePumpkin: yeah?
TitePumpkin: that's it?
t b e a r inside: what have you been thinking about the most?
TitePumpkin: be more specific
t b e a r inside: whats do you keep thinking about?
TitePumpkin: now. . .well I feel tired about it. . .i feel frustration disappointment and I've been thinking mostly that I've wished that there would something for us but now I realise it's the end of something. . .and it's sad but it's for the best I guess
TitePumpkin: I've been thinking that I like u but that is not enough
t b e a r inside: i feel like i'm drunk. . ..if all those things you said are true then wow
t b e a r inside: i want to say i'll always be waiting for you
t b e a r inside: but
t b e a r inside: you're only going to be here another semester
TitePumpkin: well that's what u say now but it won't last
t b e a r inside: and everyday that goes by that we're not together i'm more depressed
TitePumpkin: yeah when i'll be gone things will be different and I hope they would have already been different
t b e a r inside: i know but before tonight i thought it would last
t b e a r inside: i'll come for you
t b e a r inside: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!=-O
TitePumpkin: no don't say that
t b e a r inside: i will
TitePumpkin: yeah
TitePumpkin: no u won't
t b e a r inside: the worlds too small
TitePumpkin: in 2 years u'll have forgotten about marie
TitePumpkin: I mean about who marie is
t b e a r inside: in two years
t b e a r inside: yeah
t b e a r inside: keep dreaming
TitePumpkin: well I'm trying
t b e a r inside: my dad proposed to my mom at the Rockefeller center in New York over thanksgiving, when she was a sophmore. . ...
t b e a r inside: she said no
t b e a r inside: two years later they were married
t b e a r inside: they had only known each other a couple months
TitePumpkin: but u didn't propose me at the rockefeller center and it's two to get married when ur a senior or after graduating
TitePumpkin: too young
TitePumpkin: sorry
t b e a r inside: who?
t b e a r inside: you?
TitePumpkin: it doesn't make any sense
TitePumpkin: forget it
t b e a r inside: i'm not asking you to marry me now
t b e a r inside: i mean i'm demanding lol
TitePumpkin: what?
t b e a r inside: but i was hinting at it
TitePumpkin: what?
t b e a r inside: :-P
TitePumpkin: funny
TitePumpkin: teddy is a funny guy
t b e a r inside: okay i got it the first time
TitePumpkin: :-[
TitePumpkin: ted it's not healthy to have all these conversations on internet
t b e a r inside: i know
t b e a r inside: i told u to come over
TitePumpkin: wh
TitePumpkin: en?
t b e a r inside: but u don't listen
TitePumpkin: sure
t b e a r inside: like three hours ago
t b e a r inside: the very beginning of the conversation i told u to come over and make things right
TitePumpkin: oh
TitePumpkin: I was in pjs
TitePumpkin: I wouldn't have come
TitePumpkin: ted
t b e a r inside: you're a weird girl. . ..you break things off completely and then u come back and give me this hope that somethings possible. . .like after kelly. . .well i'll come for you one day as i said. . .
t b e a r inside: yeah?
TitePumpkin: I didn't give u any hope here
t b e a r inside: yeah